Taking Care

I've spent a significant amount of time this year focusing on my mental health. My daily ritual of readings, meditations, angel cards, and also weekly affirmations and prayer intentions. I have spent quite a bit of money on therapy as well, every penny worth it. But I need to focus on more than just my mental health. I need physical health too.

My body hurts. Pretty much constantly. I try to avoid pain medication at all costs for the slippery slope that is pain management in EDS patients. I'm in a fibro flare, so all if my muscles and connective tissues burn and ache.

"Why dont you go get a massage? I hear those are great for fibromyalgia."

Seems like a delightful idea but the issue is twofold. First, too much pressure can be disastrous for someone with EDS. A massage therapist can quite literally wreck a person with EDS. The second issue is trust. As a former massage therapist myself, I wont let anyone touch me in a therapeutic capacity unless I am confident that they know their shit. I'm trusting that person not to fuck up my body, so they better be as knowledgeable or more so than I was.

I was an incredible therapist, so I'm definitely a snob.

So rather than shell out money I dont have for therapies that will only cause me anxiety in the moment they are administered, I've refocused on diet and exercise. I've switched back to my anti-inflammatory diet and I'm recommitted to getting my body moving. I've been taking walks on my lunch breaks. I pedal away on my parents elliptical at night when I can't sleep, or early in the morning before the sun comes up. I've been taking alfalfa supplements and just added a daily dose of ACV to the mix. My plant based (gf, vegan) protein powder arrived last night and I'm currently sipping on a breakfast smoothie (protein powder, coffee, a banana, a little oat milk for creaminess, and a shit ton of ice).

Darker days are coming quickly, and I have to not only be ready mentally, but physically as well.

The idea of divorce has FINALLY started to enter Ds head, but not in a functional way. He told me not too long ago that when I was late to pick up kids one morning, G got worried and begged him not to divorce me. He said he comforted her and told her he would never do that.

I asked her about it last night. "Um, no? Why would I even ask him something like that?"

I trust her. She has no reason to lie to me. He is scrambling and trying to present himself as merciful and forgiving, willing to "not divorce me" for the sake of the children's well being. Right. Only... it was a complete lie. He was attempting to use the kids, and guilt, against me to get what he wants.

Darker days ahead indeed.