Come Out From Behind the Clouds

Like the moon,

Come out from behind the clouds!

And Shine!

-Buddha

Its been an exceptionally difficult week. One filled with extraordinary change and movement across nearly every facet of my life. Some pleasant, as I moved with the tides of the situation. Some significantly painful, as I resisted against it. I have taken a hard look at myself, at times with vehement cruelty, and I have gained certain valuable truths about myself. 

I am sensitive. I no longer view this as a weakness. My intuitive awareness of how others are feeling (and not feeling) is a gift, and one I have regularly been ignoring for my own selfish wants. I am making a dedicated effort to shut down my ego and invite the Holy Spirit to work through me. As I continue to heal my battered parts, others around me will also benefit from the mindfulness practice. As I focus loving kindness inward, it has no where else to go but ripple outward from me like an epicenter of awareness and love. 

I am capable of vulnerability. There was a long period of time that I was too afraid of opening up, of exposing some of my truths to others as I had a conditioned fear that letting down my guard meant eventually getting hurt. After recent events, a part of me wanted to revert back to that way of thinking. That locking myself up inside of myself was the only way to stay safe. But as I look at my life, it was in those moments of vulnerability that I was my most authentic self. I choose to live in authenticity. 

I have a big heart. My capabilities for expressing unconditional love has no limits, knows no boundaries, and doesn't accept anything less than offering loving kindness to everyone around me. Even in difficult times, my desire to love and accept others for who they are in that moment, far outweighs any notion of temporary anger or hurt. I have learned I am capable of expressing loving kindness, without expectation, and also without becoming a doormat. 

I am a work in progress. Much like Michelangelo saw the finished product within a slab of marble, there is an incredible force at work within me, and within my life. Chiseling away the access and the pieces not meant for me, smoothing out the rough block to reveal something truly remarkable inside, that was there all along. 

I am worthy. Someday everyone else is going to catch on, but until then, I know my value as a friend, a mother, a partner, a sister, a daughter, a lover, and an entirely special individual. I am worthy and I am deserving of Something Greater. 

I will detail additional truths another time. I have slept very little this past week, and now that I've created some art and released so much here, I feel it is time to put my aching body to rest. I am exhausted.