In the course of a few days, I have had multiple people imply that they are worried about my well being. One asked if calls needed to be made to send for a wellness check to insure my safety while I was home alone. Another who rarely checks in has been texting me every night, asking if I want company (I decline). After a gut wrenching sob fest with my mother last night, she held me tight and just let me let everything go, she took me by the shoulders and said she was there for me, no matter what. That she promised we would get through this together. Then she said, "now you say it. Promise me that we will get through it. We both will get through this." I could only nod.
Do I really come across as that mentally unstable? That 3 separate people have made comments implying I'm not strong enough to handle the crap handed to me this week? Do any of these people realise that I am completely surrounded by an incredible selection of various medications that I could very easily OD on at anytime, YET I HAVEN'T.
Maybe that's the issue... They know what I have available to me within close proximity. They know I'm in an empty house...
They're on to me.
Only, I made a promise...
I'm Not Going Anywhere.
I cancelled the packs of the new birth control. That shit is poisoning my mind, body, and spirit. I can't do that anymore. I've been off of everything for 2 weeks. I can only imagine how fucked up this week would be for me had I continued taking it. There would be no loving kindness replacing disappointment. There would be no appreciation and gratitude for the gifts I have received. There would be nothing.
No comments:
Post a Comment