Little Starfish

My meditation today revolved around a story:

An old man was walking down the beach the morning after a particularity violent storm and to his shock, the beach was  covered in thousands of starfish, washed ashore during the storm. He then saw a young woman, stooping down and picking up starfish, throwing them back into the water. The old man said "what are you doing?" The young woman responded, "I'm throwing them back. Once the sun reaches the midday point, it will kill them, so I'm throwing them back." The old man looked around them at the thousands of starfish on the beach. "But there are too many, and you are but one person. What difference will it make by throwing a few back?" The young woman smiled, picked up a starfish and threw it into the water. "It made a difference to that one." She threw another. "That one too."

Listening to the story, I realized that I have experienced or been each character recently. I have experienced the storm, been uprooted and tossed on shore by it. I have been the starfish, trapped and gasping, knowing the inevitable is coming. I have been the old man too, questioning the value and worth of my own good deeds when the outcome looks so bleak. And the young woman, tossing me nack into the waters, saying "this is not meant for you" and ultimately saving my life by throwing me away.

Rejection sucks, it really does. But I am now free. I can breathe easier, knowing the storm wasnt my fault. I didnt deserve to be flung on shore and left to die, but I also understand that storms just happen. And now, I have been released and set free, given another opportunity in a new day. This is a gift!

I am no longer a stranded starfish, waiting for someone to save me. I also refuse to be the storm in anyone else's life. Instead I choose to be the young woman, performing random acts of kindness and making small differences as I move into this new chapter. It feels foriegn. Some key support and players from the previous chapter will not be in this one. That is their choice, their right, and also ultimately, their loss.

But there is also opportunity in this new chapter. Potential for genuine connection, vulnerability, and maybe someday, Love. I am no longer pissed about being overlooked for the potential in another. I have made my peace while still acknowledging that it was shitty on their part. Offering forgiveness doesn't excuse the behavior. But it also doesn't have to control me either.

I've been given a wonderful gift in the form of new opportunity.

Thank you for throwing me back.