The responses were pretty clear. Here are some of the points that stood out to me in the moments of asking:
- "Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves." - Rainer Maria Rilke
- "As I say yes to life, Life says yes to me!" - Louise Hay
- "But today, while running freely through the streets, close to others but not entangled, I realized I am learning after many attempts that I can stay close and stay porous, caring and present, without holding everyone's anxiety and without going underground." - Mark Nepo
Close to others but not entangled. Continuing to come up and out of the pit of co-dependence, this rang with a lot of truth and understanding for me. I previously felt I only had two options available: to stay open and lose myself (the fireman, rushing to the rescue without hesitation) or to close up and cut people off. But this isn't always the case. I can still be present and caring, but that doesn't mean I have to take on other peoples issues and problems as my own. I am not responsible for fixing things that aren't mine to fix, and it's okay to say no without fear that the asking party is going to call me a bad person.
I have also been actively practicing patience. On occasion my inner Verruca Salt does a little pout and states "But I want it NOW" in her best British Royal accent, but I catch myself and remind myself that I have to have patience. That things take time, and everything will work out the way it is supposed to. When I start to get anxious that things aren't moving in the direction I think they should, or at the speed I would like, I've started to really catch myself in those moments to ask myself why I'm feeling pressure or rushed. In some instances, it's because I've run out of patience for the state I'm stuck in, and frustration takes the lead. In others, its an underlying fear of running out of time.
This is an important one.
Caitlin Doughty posted a new video today (I love her, I really do) and it was about the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Death Positive People. Since I was already in the mindset of listening to what the Something Greater in and around me had to say, I took a listen when the notification popped up. Here it is, in a nutshell:
1) Don't apologize for your interests!
2) Treat your interests like exercise - use it or lose it. Meaning once you have finished your advanced directive, that doesn't mean it's necessarily "done." New options are available all the time, and it's okay to seek out new information and update accordingly.
3) Not setting timelines on grief - not your own, and certainly not on anyone else!!
4) See death everywhere - making yourself more sensitive to the actions of others.***
5) Respecting inequality in death positivity. Based on status and culture, others death rituals make seem strange and gross to you. Respect that things may look different for others than what you would consider for yourself - and this doesn't make it "wrong" or "less than."
6) Helping within your community. Hosting workshops when new laws are put in place, or just helping to educate your community to their rights.
7) Be nice to yourself. Don't beat yourself up for not being more zen in the moment when death happens to you personally. Or not personally. Whenever death strikes!
***Cue the fireworks and marching band. So many actions of people are deeply rooted in their fear of dying. Their fear of running out of time. I am absolutely guilty of this too, but part of my mindfulness practice is letting go of that false sense of control. Being afraid of "what if" will only hold me back from being fully present in "what is."
On a side note, I got a job offer as I was writing this. Sent an email to the other position I have pending to let them know, and that I need to make a decision by Monday. Even as I'm actively reminding myself to be mindful, things are working behind the scenes in my favor.
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