I can't hold this in any longer. I've been keeping it quiet, not telling a soul, hiding my feelings from everyone close to me and even myself. I can't do that anymore... So here it is... I'm completely falling in love.
It started off so slowly, hesitantly. My eyes were slowly being opened to the brilliance and beauty before me, but my old self sabotaging nature would step in and start to nit pick it apart. Shredding the pretty edges of my excitement with "this will never work" or "you don't deserve this..." But ever so slowly I have been hushing those thoughts of self doubt. Instead of cowering beneath those heavy words, I've been stopping myself and asking "why are you doing that?" in return. Tackling my past and really looking at the "why" has opened me up to so many blessings in my life. I am so blessed. But it's crazy too. For the first time in my life I really found something solid...
I am absolutely, 100% completely, unquestionably falling in love with my healing process.
There are days of darkness. There are days of joy. There are days I can be gentle and patient and soft. There are days that I am cold and cruel and unjust... But every single one of those days brings new opportunity, new hope, and holy shit I have never been happier. Even as some areas of my life are absolutely crumbling around me, I am so blessed.
Even after setbacks that I am ashamed of, I'm still moving forward, and I'm really falling in love with who I am.
This is exceptionally different and new for me. The thought hit me earlier today and I haven't stopped smiling since.
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