Hormonal Influences?

I'm starting to second guess my current choice of birth control pills. I am working so hard to move forward with certain aspects of my life, to break free from old cycles and obsessive over analyzing of things that have nothing to do with me, but I feel like this is a lot harder during certain days in this pack. I'm learning the patterns of this birth control, and without fail, for the last 2 cycles, the day before my period starts I am an utter wreck. Okay, I know that I am under an exceptional amount of pressure and stress right now, but I know deep down I could be handling myself better. That I can DO better than I currently am. I suspect the hormonal influence has something to do with my inability to "snap out of it" today. I've contemplated my readings, I cried through a 10 minute meditation about "being enough," I walked for 3 miles in 90 degree weather to get myself moving... I listened to some music and cried over songs I had heard a million times that never moved me in that way before. Seriously, who the fuck cries over Cyndi Lauper covers?? Me, that's who. Then what comes on but Hallelujah. Jesus... I had to stop walking and catch my breath. I'm sure whoever's yard I nearly collapsed in had some questions, but I managed to get it together. I figured I'd put on something annoying to get my feet moving again. Pink Floyd. I typically can't stand Pink Floyd. Nope, I found previously ignored and scoffed at lyrics to have new meaning and the tears welled up again. What the fuck is wrong with me?? Hormones. I blame hormones. Yuck.

In other news, my mother teased me a little about my affirmation bracelets. I added another long forgotten one that was hidden in a drawer in the bathroom. My mother teased and said that if I kept adding affirmations, my whole arm was going to be covered. I just looked at her and said "if it makes me happy, keeps me grounded, and is a gentle reminder that I can do better, what does it matter?" She nodded in thought and said "You're absolutely right."

The one I added today I had commissioned after my wrist fusion. The original purpose was to hide the scars. But when I hear the soft chime it makes, it reminds me of my Aunt Rilly and I can't help but be comforted. She was an incredible lady, and I know she's with me while I'm fumbling along today. It has a couple small charms on a teal and purple silk ribbon: an Om, the tree of life, a mini Buddha, and a couple little crystals. Here's a picture:

I don't anticipate adding anything else, as I'm running out of real estate, haha. I like the configuration the way it is, and I'm not allergic to the silver, so that's a bonus too! But who knows, I'll likely change it up as I'm moved to do.