Trust

My father was wisked back to the hospital a little while ago. His health continues not to improve, and he's not doing well. So a quick call to 911 and a bus was dispatched to take him back to the ER.

I'm completely overwhelmed with emotion and stuffing it down isn't working. So I've turned to music to help release the pressure nozzle of my anxiety and sadness and helplessness.

Listened to a few songs that usually kick up all the feels and stumbled upon this cover.

Open the flood gates for a good old fashioned ugly cry. We're talking hiccups, snot, blotchy skin... Boom.

So while I was recovering from my ugly cry, sniffling my way through this song as well

(visually stunning, incredible vocals, decent lyrics) I grabbed my box of angel cards.

Trust

My knees buckled and I found myself on the ground, kneeling with trust in my hand. I have such little control over anything. What happens to my father, what happens to me, all of it. And yet I trust. I trust in God that He will do what is His divine will. I trust in my siblings to come together while my father (and mother) falls apart. I trust that the wells won't always be dry when I am looking for support. I trust that everything is going to work out, one way or another. And maybe, just maybe, I can learn to trust myself a little more.

I sat there, kneeling, and cried a little longer. I'll pay for it with a headache later, but for right now it's what I needed. It was a lonely cry, but a necessity too.