Just because we understand the logical actions to let go, doesn't make the practice of letting go easy. It's like being told not to think of an elephant. Perhaps rather than trying to push the elephant out of the room, so to speak, we can welcome it in and say hello. We can tell it "I see you, but I'm just not that interested in being taken for a ride right now." When we stop resisting and fighting our thoughts and concerns, the battle stops. And from there, once we stop wrestling with our thoughts, once we stop getting swept away by them, or pushing them away, it's much easier to shift our attention from the persistent elephant back to the present moment. Sometimes it's still difficult and we have to call on strong determination. Whenever we're caught up in concerns about the past, or in the future, we're not in the present. When we're fully in the here and now, that's when our obsessive thoughts have the opportunity to soften.
I've been focusing a lot of my energy on being present lately, and it has proved to be pretty difficult at times. When you've grown accustomed to walling things off, blocking things out, and living in a numb limbo, the immense experience that is "being present" can be, well, overwhelming. Some aspects of my "present" are pretty emotional and raw, and I was struggling with how hard it all seemed, that I was somehow failing or not doing it right. Someone then said to me: This is uncharted territory for you, and for your immediate family. Of course you're afraid. Being present isn't like sitting on a relaxing-ass cloud, hovering about it all. It happens down in the muck and uncertainty and pain and fear. It did help me feel a little better about my presence during everything currently, but I'm also feeling pretty inadequate in other aspects of my life.
Hello elephant. I see you. I'm just not that interested in being taken for a ride right now.
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