Negative Thoughts

Today I'd like to talk about negative thoughts, and how we can soften them. We all have a tendency to dwell on negative thoughts. We replay and embarrassing memory over and over in our mind. We recall a past conversation, fantasizing about that clever thing we should have said. We imagine all kinds of things that could go wrong in the future. And injury, a lay off, a breakup. It turns out negative thinking is in our evolutionary biology. Our brains are wired to "over learn" from negative experiences, but "under learn" from positive ones. This tendency helped our ancestors evaluate threats or danger. But when we dwell in negativity, our stress increases and our happiness suffers. So here's a process you can use to help reshape your negative thinking. Lets say for example that we're stuck in a thought process that goes something like this: I bombed today's job interview. I will be unemployed forever. First, as we learn in practice, monitor your thoughts. When a negative thought arises, observe it. Notice if the thought sounds familiar. Is this something you hear yourself say over and over? Negative thinking is a habit, so it's useful to notice our thought patterns. Second, don't suppress the thought, or judge yourself for having it. Telling yourself "I have to stop thinking about that job interview" won't alleviate the thought. Instead, just bring awareness to what's happening. Say to yourself "I'm obsessing about my job interview and stuck in negative thoughts." Third, challenge the runaway thought cycle. Ask yourself "was it actually that bad? Or is my memory clouded by fear and anxiety? Does the outcome of a single job interview really determine my entire future? And am I solving anything by dwelling on these negative thoughts?" When we separate from a negative thought, recognize it, and challenge it, we remove it's power. And we have to practice this over and over to change our tendencies. Of course negative thinking is not always unwanted. Sometimes we focus on problems to find their solutions, but much of the time, our negative thinking only harms us. So the next time you wander off to the darkness of your thoughts reach for a light switch. We might feel helpless when we're swept away by a storm of negativity, but with effort we can overcome it. As William James said, The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.

I have been spending some time within my negative thoughts lately, and I was growing frustrated with having to keep redirecting myself as they have come up. But then I gently remind myself that I am in the process of undoing 38 years worth of learned/reinforced behavior, and change isn't going to happen overnight.


I still struggle with a fear of judgement. For the most part I have kept my journey of self awareness and self discovery very quiet. I haven't let very many people in, and a big part of that is a fear of being told I'm "doing it wrong." While some might think this is foolish thinking to begin with, keep in mind that THAT in itself is a judgement - and pulling myself out of the murky muck of lifelong codependent relationships, I'm a little hypersensitive to it currently. Shit, I feel like I'm a little hypersensitive overall lately. But I'm not giving up and I'm not allowing myself to slink off back into numbed limbo. I can't go back. I've come this far!