We waste so much energy trying to cover up who we are, when beneath every attitude is the want to be loved, and beneath every anger is a wound to be healed, and beneath every sadness is the fear that there will not be enough time.
When we hesitate in being direct, we unknowingly slip something on, some added layer of protection that keeps us from feeling the world, and often that thin covering is the beginning of a loneliness which, if not put down, diminishes our chances for joy.
It's like wearing gloves every time we touch something, and then, forgetting we chose to put them on, we complain that nothing feels quite real. In this way, our challenge each day is not to get dressed to face the world, but to unglove ourselves so that the doorknob feels cold, and the car handle feels wet, and the kiss good-bye feels like the lips of another being, soft and unrepeatable.
I feel like I am continuously and progressively making an effort to live the most authentic version of myself. Continuing to shed the layers of protection that keep me from feeling, to experience my truest and most pure sense of self, even when those experiences are unpleasant or hard. Even in my moments of self imposed solitude (and my moments of collateral solitude from others) I am not shying away from the hard work. Every single day I am committed to my readings, my meditations, my angel card contemplation's. Even though it would be so easy to shrink back inside myself and give up, I push myself forward. Building momentum for something more. Something greater.
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