Busting My Butt (In A Good Way!)

I've been pretty quiet lately - mostly because I have been completely obsessed with working out and tracking my calories. I am so determined to loose weight and get fit... and doing it the right way! :)

This week I'm down 2 lbs. I've been tracking everything and thus far I've burned 900 calories. That's this week. To say I'm proud is an understatement! I'm really working hard. My face has even started to slim down already... Thank goodness!!!



Training Has Begun

Having a compromised immune system in addition to everything else is a bunch of bull, if you ask me. Apparently I had forgotten that it's not just my muscles and joints that I have to be mindful of while training up ye 'ol body to do the 3-day... Apparently some internal organs are out of shape too. I already knew my heart was a little on the fritz, but I forgot my lungs would be working out too.

I have some kind of bronchial flare-up at the moment, and it's pissing me off. I've never had asthma before, so I'm not sure it's that... but I just keep coughing and can't seem to take a deep breath.

I love that I get one part of my body slightly under control (I use the term "slightly" loosely - I've managed to roll my ankle twice and popped my knee out Saturday night) and another part goes boink. But I'm going to try really really hard not to get discouraged and frustrated and beat myself up over something I can't control. All I can do is keep on keeping on.

I stumbled upon a quote from Gilda Radner that I'm trying to keep as my focus...

"Some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity..."

I've never been a fan of ambiguity. I like plans... structure... But lately I've been digging the idea of just letting it all go. Of just letting myself LET GO and just BE for a little while. We've talked about it in therapy, about me going away for the weekend and just "being" without anyone to bother me - to let me just have some time to regroup, refocus...

I want it. I want the space, the lack of responsibility other than for my immediate person, a chance to just rest and figure this shit out.

A New Focus

I registered for the Komen 3-day walk in August. It might end up being physically impossible for me to do, but damnit I'm going to try. I have to do something... I've just felt so lifeless and empty lately. I need to do something for myself that reminds me I'm alive. Not only for myself, but also for the millions of women who have fought against breast cancer.

It may not have been the "smartest" thing for me to sign up to do, given my physical limitations and emotional vulnerability at the moment... but I did it. I need a goal. Something to work towards...

One step at a time...

Autumn Jam

So in my usual fashion, when stressed, I turn to food. But today I made a jam I've never made before. Blackberry/Cranberry. HO-LY YUM.

2 6oz packages blackberries
12 oz cranberries
1/2 cup water (or apple cider)
2-3 Tbsp maple syrup
1/2 tsp cinnamon

Put everything in a pot and simmer until cranberries burst. Mash berries with potato masher and simmer for a couple more minutes. Cool or can as desired.

*adapted from Autumn Jam recipe on www.theculturedcook.com.

This is low sugar, gluten free, and full of amazing flavor.

Relief and Frustration

Relief - I do not have any of the other markers for Lupus, so that potential diagnosis is out. PHEW.

Frustration - There is nothing they can do regarding my joint instability syndrome. I just have to deal. I can continue to have surgeries that don't hold, or they can fuse my joints so they are no longer an issue, and that is it. No medications to slow it down, and they really don't know much of anything about it.

SO FRUSTRATING.

But I have my dietary focus now, so that is great news. And the Rheum wrote me a script for strictly pool work physical therapy. I asked the doc how he felt about a change in lifestyle and going 100% gluten free (I mentioned some of the research I had done) and he was completely supportive of me trying that avenue. "There have been reports of many people having great success managing their fibro pain and fatigue by cutting out gluten. I say give it a shot! It certainly won't hurt anything, thats for sure!"

So there I have it - an endorsement to take my health and well being into my own hands by a medical professional.

Turns out my Occupational Therapist is gluten free, can free, plastic free, pastured grass fed animal consuming, and raw milk drinking. 2 people in the last week have recommended the GAPS book to me, so I think I'll give it a look. It also turns out that a girl I went to middle school and high school with is a nutritional goddess and is very open to talking about health and wellness. My mom is going to go to the gluten free classes with me and she is looking into how much a membership is for us to use the pool at the local YMCA. I feel like all the puzzle pieces are falling into place to get this done right - and to be fully supported by family and friends. :-D

Food 102

I got home from my nutrition class about an hour ago and I am still SO excited about the changes that will be made in our household.

Todays class focused on how to blend this lifestyle into your current one. Again, Lisa did not disappoint with handouts that I can share with family and friends. I'm so excited to learn more. Its strange, I felt really connected to Lisa today... like the information she was sharing I just wanted to absorb and immediately share with others. Maybe once I've switched over our household and gained first hand results of wellness, teaching others might be in my future? I do love sharing information with others...

Take today for example: I got a ride to Whole Paycheck from my BFF. We are still down to one car, which makes simple tasks trying, but I digress. I had such a great time walking around the store with her, sharing what info I'd been learning. We talked about "organic cage-less" vs "pastured" eggs, the difference in nutritional value, and the cost of investing in your health.

Cost is a big stumping factor for most people. They way I look at it, I'm sitting on $5k of medical bills from AUGUST - PRESENT ALONE. $5,000 is a LOT of money!!! Thats an additional $96 a WEEK that I could be investing in better quality foods for my family that may reverse my pain and disability and keep my children safe from ever having to face this themselves.

If that isn't an eye opener, I don't know what is.

 

 



Stalemate...

I had an appointment with the surgeon this morning and it appears we have reached a stalemate. My surgery has basically undone itself already (damn) and she said it would be pointless to attempt another soft tissue reconstruction as my body would just tear it all apart again anyways. She said she wants to wait to see what the rheumatologist says on Thursday before we move forward. She is hoping they will put me on some kind of "biological medication" that will slow down my body's tendency to attack itself. After we get that figured out, we can move forward. Otherwise, she said she would have to fuse the bones in my wrist, and I would basically have to decide what motions I would be willing to give up: either flipping my hand over, or extension/flexion of the wrist.

Not exactly what I wanted to hear, by any means.

SO! Now is as good a time as any to get me back on track from the inside out. To see what I can help/reverse by taking care of myself and really pushing my family to accept the nutritional changes I want to see happen. When the surgeon said "biological medicine" a little trumpet went off in my brain - I can affect my biology through diet. Now, thats not to say that I will refuse medication. I'm falling apart - literally. I need to get that crap under control NOW. But I also know that once I get on a medication to stabilize my weirdness, I may be able to wean myself off should I also get all of the shit out of my diet too. Heal myself from the inside out.

Its worth a shot. It certainly couldn't get much worse...

Food 101 - You Are What You Eat

Having allowed myself a little wallow time, I feel remarkably inspired to get down and dirty with how I can do something about what is happening to me. I've decided to focus on diet. I've always had a bit of a food obsession to begin with (bulemia in my teens/early twenties) and I've tried more than once to do a diet overhaul. I've had 2 factors that always lead to their failure. 1) I didn't completely buy into what they were saying - Yes, a plant-based diet does have many many health benefits... but lets be honest here, I like how tush (animal products) taste. I just don't like how animal products are jam packed with hormones, pesticides, antibiotics... and don't get me started on the treatment of those poor souls. 2) Crappy support. So does this mean I can never eat meat or drink milk ever again??

Thankfully, the answer is no. I don't have to give these things up!

I went to a nutritional class on Tuesday with my mom called "One plate at a time: Eating to beat diabetes, inflammatory disease, and cancer" lead by Lisa (The Cultured Cook). She was AMAZING. I seriously can't wait for next weeks class!! Not only that, but she has a course on gluten-free living coming up next month... I can't wait!! But I digress...

In the class we talked about how diabetes and disease reek havok in the body. We only lightly touched on inflammatory diseases, but the following information was more than amazing. We talked about how the body processes what we eat and how we can directly effect our health with our diet. Omega 3's are anti-inflammatory. They are found in high concentrations in green grass. Humans do not produce Omega 3's, nor can we digest grass. So how the heck are we supposed to get these amazing little powerhouses into our systems? By consuming something that consumes the grass! Lisa then introduced the idea that "organic" milk only means no hormones and no pesticides were used in the cows feed or injected into their bodies... but those cows are typically grain fed, not pasture grass fed...

The old atteche "you are what you eat" is true. But you are also what the thing you're eating has been eating.

For a warm fuzzy example of this in nature: Brine shrimp eat red algae. Brine shrimp are pink. Flamingo's eat brine shrimp. Flamino's are... Pink! Flamingo's kept in captivity that are fed a shrimp alternative are... White! See? You are what you eat. ;)

Now for the less fuzzy example... Store bought chicken. Those chicken are fed corn (sprayed with pesticides), corn meal, bone meal (from other chickens, mind you), and chicken litter (ground up chicken parts, feathers, feces, and corn meal that has fallen on the ground). It's enough to make you sick, isnt it? The chickens too, so they are given an antibiotic to keep infection and disease to a minimum. And since those poor souls can't sustain life in those conditions for long, they are given growth hormone to speed up their growth rate so they can be slaughtered before dying from disease.

Yum yum. Dish me up a plate of THAT.

So I have decided no more regular old store bought meats, eggs and milk. I'm done with that. No thank you!

Last week I purchased an 1/8 of a pasture grass fed cow. I currently have just over 50 lbs of assorted cuts of meat in my upright freezer. That should last me a little while. I'm also joining a co-op for my milk, eggs, and poultry. These are all pastured, grass fed animals. Oh, and no antibiotics or growth hormones for these bad boys. The milk is raw whole milk. I know, I know, poo poo me on that one... but is your milk full of Omega 3's? Nope! They've been cooked right out with pastuerization, along with a slew of other vitamins and minerals. Is it a little pricey? Sure... but so are all these freakin medical bills!! If you're in the Metro Detroit Area, check out Family Farms Cooperative We are talking SUPER reasonable not to mention supporting local Michigan farmers. I'm also doing away with canned veggies and plastic bottles for my milk storage... More on that later. ;-)

I'm excited!! :-D

Fun fact for the day: Did you know that if you buy 1 gallon of whole milk and split it between 2 seperate gallon jugs and fill to the brim with water, you now have 2 gallons of 2% milk?? How's that for stretching a dollar??

Therapy?

I finally called to schedule my occupational therapy for my hand. I still havent called or started my physical therapy for the rest of my body as, quite frankly, I can't afford the extra $60 a week on top of the $60 I'm going to be spending weekly on OT. This "taking care of yourself" is some expensive business!!

Not to mention still being down to one car with no end of that in sight. I have a dead car in my driveway and no way to get to therapy on my own. So I have to rely on rides from friends and family. This is definitely a lesson in humility if ever there was one. I really struggle with asking for help, and this has been a difficult week for me.

My mom, the incredible individual that she is, brought over Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, and Other Invisible Illnesses by Katrina Berne, PhD. She has put little slips of paper in it, marking points of interest and adding little notes here and there. While I am still reading it, one of the biggest things that sticks out is An Open Letter from Patient to Spouse/Partner. I've been feeling really hurt and resentful lately, and I think giving annoying hubby this letter will be the big break through I've needed to express. I've been completely withdrawing from him, mostly due to resentment I feel towards him. If this doesnt work, then I'll know what I need to do.

No News is Good News?

Still no word back about my labs or my echocardiogram. I see the rhuematologist again in October, so I'm sure we'll just go over everything then.

Anyone else out there feel like Autoimmune diagnosis is a huge game of "hurry up and wait?" Get these labs done! Now wait... Get your heart scanned! Now wait...



I knew a diagnosis would be time consuming, but I hate the feeling of not knowing.

Sleep...

Everything I have read lately regarding living a healthier lifestyle is pushing "get plenty of sleep." I understand that during sleep is when your body resets and repairs. When your own system uses all those healthy nutrients you've been supplying it with throughout the day to repair the damage you caused it while you were awake.

Sweet. Let me get right on that. I LOVE to sleep!

Oh wait... I can't sleep through the night. I can't get comfy, can't tune out annoying hubby's snoring, can't turn off my brain...

So I tried cutting out caffeine last week. I ended up being crabby AND exhaused all the time... and still not sleeping through the night.

Rheum prescribed flexiril as a sleep aid. I wake up groggy and am still not sleeping well through the night. I just want some coffee... And pop... And SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR!!!!!

I admit, I totally have a sugar addiction. Yeah, I've been toasting marshmallows almost everynight on my stovetop this week. Healthy? Not even close... But tastes so good!!

I know my nutrition and lifestyle needs an overhaul. Starting is the hardest part, right?

So where do I start? No more proccessed sugar? No more gluten? No more caffeine? No more dairy? And how do I convince my family to hop on board with this? Annoying hubby has already stated that he will not give up pasta and bread. Flat out. Not giving it up. Period. I know I can swap out with GF options, but will the stubbornness and lack of support drive me to give up before I've even started? All I can do is try... Decide my life is more important than giving in to whining and kick my own butt into gear!