I Dreamed A Dream...

I love this version. Haven't listened to it in a really long time. The meaning is so different now... living with a chronic illness that slowly takes away everything you love about life.

"I had a dream my life would be... So different from this hell I'm living..."

Its a high pain, low morale kind of day.





Then, on YouTube, while sifting through some of my favorite singers, I come across this gem:

 

Ok, first of all, Brian Stokes Mitchell is my favorite baritone (sorry Dad...) and this song really moved me to remember the bigger picture. Plus epic crescendo's always make my hair stand on end. In a good way.

 

 

Speaking of epic crescendo's, this one gets me every time too:

 



My favorite tenor of all time, Luciano Pavarotti. The final stance when he's singing guts out? He's saying "Vincero! Vincero! Vincero!" which in Italian sounds like "vini-cello." Translation?

I will be victorious.

 

 

 

 

I hear you universe... I hear you. Vincero!

A Break

I mentioned I was going to head up north to my parents house for a bit of a break - a little reprieve of my life to just relax, heal, think, and be.

It was wonderful.

I sent an email to the bestie describing what I did, and I shall paste it here... Since it perfectly articulated what I did, why try to recreate the wheel. ;3



What I Did on My Summer Vacation

1) Ate Bacon

2) Ate Candied Bacon

3) Ate Smores

4) Ate Candied Bacon... ON a Smore (struck culinary genius with this one)

5) Printed stuff on tank tops

6) Made some crappy art

7) Took a (mostly) naked nap in the sun on the deck

8) Went for a hike with B'scotch

9) Ate Bacon

10) Played fetch with B'scotch for hours

11) Went for a 2 mile walk with B'scotch (walking in sand should count for 3x the activity)

12) Thought about who I've become - and that I don't care for her very much. Also thought about finally being honest with DH about who I feel I am - what I've been twisted into, and what I've done in the past. This TERRIFIES me, but I can't move forward with my head firmly wedged up my ass in the past. "You gotta put your behind in your past." 

13) Slept in a huge snuggley comfy bed.

14) Woke with the sunrise, went to bed when I was tired

15) Meditated

16) Did some gentle yoga poses/stretches

17) Laid in the grass and just listened...

18) Ate Bacon

 

Next time I will go up for more than 44 hours.

 

OH! I also took a couple baths... in the ginormous Jacuzzi tub. Just me and Buddha, chillin.

I suspect he's up to something...

Pay It Forward

I did something today I haven't done before. Not to this extent anyways... I paid it forward. And it felt GOOD.

I went to Michaels to get craft supplies for a fundraiser I have in mind for the 3-day. As I walked to my car, a young woman, who looked lost, scared, and overwhelmed approached me. "Excuse me ma'am... I am so embarrassed to do this, but do you have a couple bucks? Our car is out of gas and we have a long way to go. I'm so sorry to bother you..." She looked down in shame. Her clothes looked like she had been in the car... for a while. I looked at her, smiled, and said "do you have enough gas to get to the gas station?" She looked bewildered and stammered "I... I think so?" I nodded and said "Ok. I'll follow you to the gas station and put a couple bucks in your gas tank..." It was at his point one of her travelling mates got out of the car. "Heather, what are you doing?? We'll figure it out, leave that lady alone..." I smiled again and shook my head. "Its no bother... Can you make it to the gas station?" Her jaw dropped and she nodded. "Ok. I'll follow you."

It was as if the traffic Gods were smiling. During rush hour we had a perfect opening for both cars to turn left on a busy street. The lights cooperated and we were able to coast into the gas station just as their car ran out of gas. I walked up to the car, swiped my car and asked where they were headed. Heather chimed in they were heading to Alma or some such city. They mentioned they weren't from around here (the car had a Maine plate) and that they were literally stranded in a city they weren't familiar with, with no friends or family anywhere nearby. I nodded as I listened, thoughtful to what they had been through. "When was the last time you ate?" They looked at each other, then to me, then down at their shoes. "Its been a couple days..."

I looked to the driver. "Ok. Here's the deal. You, fill up the car. And Heather, come inside the gas station with me and pick out a couple drinks and snacks for your trip." Heather followed after me, thanking me profusely and praising God. We got a couple items and the other girl came in with my receipt. As I was purchasing the food, they both told the cashier that I was an "angel from heaven." He looked at them like they were crazy. When he looked to me, I smiled and gave him a wink. When we got back outside, the girls both gave me several hugs, thanked me profusely, and again said I was an amazing person. I smiled and said "I'm not an amazing person. I've done plenty in my life that I am not proud of. Plenty that would categorize me as far from saintly... But I have one stipulation to my generosity today..." They both looked so scared... "I only ask that you pay it forward. That if you see someone else who is struggling, you give them a leg up if you are able. That is my only request."

"Ma'am, you have a deal. You've saved our lives today... and we will never forget you." Another hug and they were on their way. I wish them well.

Random acts of kindness... They do exist... and I'm proud I was able to participate today.

Two If By Land!

I've been pretty quiet lately... But today I have something to talk about! Today was my first day of physical therapy on land. I know that doesn't sound too spectacular, since I've been hauling myself around on land my whole life... but it's a little stepping stone for me in this journey, and I'm excited about it. It was HARD. New exercises for me to do at home in addition to my putty hand ones too. We are really getting down to the nitty gritty of why my knees are all out of wack (my muscles being built up so much to maintain stability on one side, completely weak and unstable the opposite way). It's really nice having a PT that "gets it." She doesn't push me beyond my limitations. She questions when things pop or crack, rather than have me "push through it."

Such a blessing.

I see the PCP I adore on the 26th, and the rheumy of doom on the 27th. The PCP actually mailed me an article and brochure about "living with hypermobility syndrome." because she researched it and wanted to make sure I had seen it! LOVE HER. Rheumy of doom just said "thats inconvenient" and wrote me a script for new drugs. Hmph. Guess I know where my allegiance is tied...