One of THOSE Days

You know the ones... Where it feels like you can't do anything right and the world knows it? That you just can't quite get a handle on what exactly you're supposed to be doing at any given moment? I'm having one of those days today. And it's not because I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing - I know exactly what I should be doing. I even have a prioritized "to do" list!

I just don't want to. Any of it.

I just want to shrug off all my responsibilities and head back up north, waving my middle finger as I go. Not helping with ANYTHING, just dumping everything at everyone else's feet and saying "here, you deal with all this - I'm done for now. Oh, you don't know how to take care of this? Well guess what, I didn't either until you initially dumped it at MY feet and asked me to take care of it. Did I bitch and complain? NO. I made some phone calls, asked some people, and FIGURED SHIT OUT without whining and complaining the whole freaking time. You know why? BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT ADULTS DO. No one is going to hand you things on a silver platter, that just isn't realistic. Sometimes you have to work hard and figure things out all on your own. Here, take all this and give it a try." (shove shove shove)

Yeah... It's one of those days. I should go outside and sit in the sun for a bit. Get my Vitamin D on and just soak it up.

Can you tell I hurt my wrist this morning? I did. Totally got bashed while trying to get a temper tantrum induced toddler dressed. It hurt. A lot. Got my wheels turning that I'm not sure how much of this I'm expected to actually take. I'm not feeling very strong right now. Quite the opposite. I've feeling exceptionally fragile and vulnerable. So I'm putting up my normal front when things are spiraling out of control... "Everything is just fine and I'm happy to just be alive!" It's a front... I'm losing control over here...

I want bacon... <3

A Break

I mentioned I was going to head up north to my parents house for a bit of a break - a little reprieve of my life to just relax, heal, think, and be.

It was wonderful.

I sent an email to the bestie describing what I did, and I shall paste it here... Since it perfectly articulated what I did, why try to recreate the wheel. ;3



What I Did on My Summer Vacation

1) Ate Bacon

2) Ate Candied Bacon

3) Ate Smores

4) Ate Candied Bacon... ON a Smore (struck culinary genius with this one)

5) Printed stuff on tank tops

6) Made some crappy art

7) Took a (mostly) naked nap in the sun on the deck

8) Went for a hike with B'scotch

9) Ate Bacon

10) Played fetch with B'scotch for hours

11) Went for a 2 mile walk with B'scotch (walking in sand should count for 3x the activity)

12) Thought about who I've become - and that I don't care for her very much. Also thought about finally being honest with DH about who I feel I am - what I've been twisted into, and what I've done in the past. This TERRIFIES me, but I can't move forward with my head firmly wedged up my ass in the past. "You gotta put your behind in your past." 

13) Slept in a huge snuggley comfy bed.

14) Woke with the sunrise, went to bed when I was tired

15) Meditated

16) Did some gentle yoga poses/stretches

17) Laid in the grass and just listened...

18) Ate Bacon

 

Next time I will go up for more than 44 hours.

 

OH! I also took a couple baths... in the ginormous Jacuzzi tub. Just me and Buddha, chillin.

I suspect he's up to something...