Open Position

I guess I haven't had much to say lately. I've been doing my meditations and daily readings, I've spent a lot of time in prayer, and I've just been working on getting even keel again.

So of course I would have to answer a work call today where a woman said she had interviewed with my boss for the open position and would like to know next steps...

Open position?

Suddenly all the anonymous appointments on his calendar listed as "personal" made sense. Not only that, but my coworker has also been acting shady and secretive lately too. I felt completely hurt and betrayed that they would keep this from me.

The fact that they are interviewing doesn't bother me. We knew this was likely to be a temporary gig, and we made it last as long as we could. Without a hefty financial investment from my boss, I've really come about as far as I can. But I was supposed to be part of the process of finding my replacement, so to hold interviews behind my back really hurts. I trusted these people, and now I just feel stupid for doing so. I spoke to my boss and he assured me it isn't about performance, that all his clients love me, blah blah blah... But it's about distance. There is enough work in house that they need another body in the office to get things done. I get that. It still stings.

One of my recent readings was about being like a spring creek: flowing, flexible, and moving through things. When a branch crashes into a creek, it makes a little splash, but quickly settles back down and moves on. At times the creek will freeze over, and when the branches fall, the water breaks - shattering into sharp shards. But even those razor edged slivers of hurt and sadness will thaw back into the gentle creek.

I know right now I'm bristled from the initial shock of being blindsided by betrayal... That branch fell square into my frozen self, and a feel a little jarred and splintered because of it. But I also feel very calm, and have already forgiven by boss. His intentions, while misguided, really were good. He wanted to delay hurting my feelings, delay having to move on, delay letting me go.

But we can't always bury our head in the sand and will away a situation we don't want to deal with.

So now I get to start thinking about what to do next. Do I start looking for work now? Do I recollect all my medical records and attempt to file for disability again? Where do I go from here? I have a little time left at my current position... but now I need to start thinking about what to do with a little more urgency.