One Thing At A Time

My meditations for the past couple days have had a singular message: focus on one thing at a time! I like to think that I'm pretty good at multi-tasking, but in reality I'm pretty overwhelmed by certain aspects of my life.

My dad has been in the hospital since the 12th. He had a major back surgery to fuse most of his lumbar spine. There were complications and he had a second surgery on the 15th to correct the complications. That was 4 days ago and he is still in extreme pain. They are talking about releasing him tomorrow to a rehab facility, as the surgeon has decided there is nothing else he can do. He made a mistake and has essentially just shrugged and said "welp, there's nothing else we can do here. You may as well go home to be miserable." He can't walk, can't sit up without discomfort, and we are just supposed to take him home?? So off to rehab he goes so he can get the care he needs without taking up space at the hospital. I've been visiting the hospital, but I'm starting to run out of things to say. I'm trying very hard not to say things like "it will get better, I promise!" Or "everything happens for a reason." These phrases are so invalidating and gives the impression that his frustrations are not warranted and he needs to get over it already.

I've been trying to be supportive of my mother too. Making sure the kitchen is picked up, caring for their pets, keeping clean/fresh towels in the bathroom so when she's home she doesn't have to worry about anything. I've brought her food to the hospital, cups of tea, and done a few shifts at the hospital with dad so that she can go home to rest, shower, sleep, etc.

They both require support in such different ways. My dad requires emotional support with hand holding and a listening heart. To just sit with him and listen to him ramble - the best distraction for him. My mother is more receptive to support in the form of "caring for the organism." Making sure her basic needs are being met: food, sleep, rest.

"Focus on one thing at a time."

So how does this all fit together? There is another person in all this that also needs support. Me! But the way I have always functioned before is to care for others first, and once they are squared away, there will be time for my own self care. This time I'm trying it a little differently. When I start feeling overwhelmed, I'm taking time to center myself, focus on the breath, and settle my thoughts down.

Breathing in.

Breathing out.

Bringing myself back to the basics. Focusing on just one thing to calm the chaos of everything else. These meditative moments have really opened me up to focus on what matters, focus on what needs to get done, and keep moving in a positive and forward direction. I continue to learn how to be my own life support. That's not to say I don't need support from friends and family, but that I can better recognize when I really can't handle things on my own. Right now I can handle my parents. Right now I can handle my therapy and meditations to strengthen my mental and emotional resolve. Right now I can handle reaching out to a lawyer for an additional consultation. Right now I can handle being present in my own journey, while still bearing witness to the journey of those I hold most dear. 

I continue to make forward progress.