Letting Go

Today's meditation was focused on Letting Go. Our tendency is to grasp on to people, emotions, memories, and feelings. Holding on so tightly to things of our past. Holding on to things of our present. When we hear the phrase "letting go" it can trigger a sense of fear - it means letting go of control. Giving up our notion of control can be a scary thing for many people! But letting go doesn't have to mean giving up or giving in, just allowing yourself to release whatever it is we are clinging so tightly to - to be more free. Resistance intensifies pain... Letting go doesn't mean ignoring or suppression either - just acknowledging things as they are in the moment and letting the judgements and harsh self criticism float away.


Two monks were travelling together and came upon a river where they saw a young woman. She was afraid of the strong current and asked the monks if they would carry her across. The first monk hesitated. The second quickly stepped in and scooped her up, putting her on his shoulders. They crossed the river and he set her down. She thanked him and departed.


As the monks continued on their way, the first monk was brooding and preoccupied. Finally, unable to hold his silence, he spoke out. "Brother! Our spiritual training teaches us to avoid contact with women, but you picked that one up on your shoulders and carried her!"


"Brother," he replied. "I set her down on the other side long ago, while YOU are the one who is still carrying her."


The second monk was overwhelmed with his feelings of judgement and criticism, while the first did what was needed in the moment, letting go of his own judgements of the situation, to help someone in need.


I have spent years being the first monk. Carrying around preconceived notions, grudges, and judgements (both internal and external) and it has been an interesting journey learning to let that shit go. But I did "let go" of something yesterday, and I felt/feel a sense of pride in how I handled myself. Someone reached out to me out of the blue to invite me to lunch and to catch up. The last time I spoke to this person was while they were in the hospital, where they thought they were on deaths doorstep and they asked me to bury the hatchet and forgive the previous blunders of our supposed friendship. I told them then that I had forgiven. But then no further contact was made by either party.


This invitation for lunch was really an invitation to reconnect and attempt a friendship again. I politely declined. When they seemed a little miffed that I wasn't interested, I made it clear that while we may have been friends once, we were no longer friends, and that was okay. That just because I had forgiven them doesn't mean I have to give them permission to stay in my life. I had let go of the past hurt, but I now let go of the idea that I had to try to be friends too. I just... let it go. But I did so without being cruel or mean or spiteful. I told them that there were no hard feelings, but a friendship just wasn't in the cards. They accepted, also said there were no hard feelings, and offered to be there should I ever need anything in the future.


So now I continue on my journey, having set that one thing down at the river bank.