Asking For Help

I've never been very good at asking for help. Ever. It's just not something I'm comfortable with - which I know is just one of those ridiculous mental flaws that I have.

But now that I literally am having a hard time doing what used to be normal everyday activities, I'm finding that I can't do things alone. As much as I think I should be able to...

So today I am single parent as hubby is off in California for the weekend being a good sport. Long story - not worth explaining. It just so happens that I have just about zero food in the house and need to head to the grocery store. With both kids in tow. AND I'm having a wicked pain day today after washing ALL the dishes yesterday by myself. So I asked a buddy yesterday if he could help today. Yeah, sure, no problem. Well turns out today that he is spending the day with the new girlfriend, so he won't be available to help until after 5pm. I was hoping to be starting dinner by then... So I told him no worries, I'll ask around.

Asked newest buddy and she is repainting a room in her house today, so she won't be available. Wanted to ask super bestie, but she just got home from a work trip herself and it was her first time away from her little baby. I don't want to intrude and bug her - especially because I think she might be at work today anyways.

Now I know beggers can't be choosers, so if I want someone to help me, I really need to be flexible to their schedules. Only... it's not just me - I have my little peoples schedules to tap dance around too.

I just hate feeling rejected when I already feel low. I know it's not intentional, but yeah... This is why I don't ask for help. The rare times I do ask I try to ask in advance, then when the person I was counting on bails, I'm screwed trying to find a replacement last minute. And then I end up having to take care of shit by myself anyways. So why bother asking in the first place?

Maybe I'll call my dad. See if he can at least meet me at the house after I get home to help bring the groceries in. Or my brother...

(sigh)