Strength

I feel like I've run out of strength. I've been trying to "suck it up" at work and at home and just do everything I need to. But I'm feeling myself buckling a little, and it frightens me. Working full time in adverse conditions is taking a physical toll. My father was in a car accident and literally only walked away by the grace of God. I've almost lost him twice this year, and the stress is getting to me.

I feel lonely. I feel anxious. I feel like something is going to break in me.

But I'm not alone. I can reach out to the people I love and ask for support when I need it. I am not a burden or an inconvenience or a pest. It's okay to feel weak, fragile, vulnerable...

It's just a matter of finding safe people to share those feelings with. I had boarded up the windows and locked the doors on my house of friendship. "No room at the inn" as I was still feeling burned by previous friends hurting me. No one gets back in once they walk out the door...

But I've been letting things go. Holding on to hurt is only hurting me. The other people dont care. Ive been loosening my grip of sadness and disappointment, and I opened up a window to air things out.

I love the way fall smells.