Heart Aches

I am feeling so overwhelmed with the world. On the one hand I have people harping about how the Corona virus is a hoax, that we are all sheep, people who don't agree are idiots, and there is so much hate. On the other there are people who are terrified to go back into the world and risk exposure - calling the other side heartless and selfish and stupid and a slew of other hate-filled names.

There is no compassion. No understanding. No listening. No love.

Then my social media outlets were flooded with images and video's of an unarmed man slowly being murdered by the police in Minneapolis. The conversation then shifts to how white people can be the best allies in the Black Lives Matter movement, and I'm absolutely frozen emotionally. There are so many keyboard warriors who are speaking out and standing up and I am so grateful to those individuals. I am very aware of my white privilege, and now I see so many people voicing their outrage - rightfully so - but I also feel exceptionally burned out emotionally and know what I am not being the best ally I can be by staying relatively quiet. I am letting down my black brothers and sisters by not taking up the banner and joining the front line of protest... but I know in my heart of hearts that I am not capable in this moment.

I have never been a banner carrier. That is not my strength.

I've read so many articles and posts and stories about how I need to support and honor movements. Many say that as white people we need to sit down and shut up and listen to what POC activists and leaders have to say. Then I read that by keeping quiet, I am supporting racism. "White silence is not supportive. White silence is violence. White silence is not neutral ground. Please do not stay silent."

I don't know what is the right thing to do. I don't know what the right thing to say is. I don't know how to offer support and love and compassion beyond what I am already doing in my everyday life. I don't want to support violence by keeping silent. I also don't want to bite off more than I can emotionally handle and chew in order to "prove" that I am an ally.

I don't have a social media platform. I don't have a large reach. So instead I continue to do my best to gently love my fellow humans. I continue to raise aware and sensitive little people who understand that not everyone has the same rights and privileges that they do - and how we can do better.

We can do better. We can BE better.