Choices

I feel like I have taken a couple steps backwards lately. And by a couple, I mean many.

I'm back to sleeping on the ex's couch out of convenience. I entertained the thought (again) of getting together with my MN ex. This time I bailed out. He said he wanted to move to Michigan, to be with me... but he wanted me to take care of him "for a change." He wanted me to write up his resume, find him a job, and support us both.

Um. No.

I asked him what his problem was, when he claims to also love the woman hes currently living with... one who pays the rent. One who feeds him. One who is ALREADY TAKING CARE OF HIM. Unreal...

At least I saw it for what it was and cut him out of my life. Permanently this time. I've blocked his number, blocked his social media, and even removed him from my linkedin contacts. He has no way to contact me.

But it leaves me feeling vulnerable. Fooled. Unwanted (even though I pulled the plug, he was still in love with someone else). Unattractive. Lonely...

Part of me wants to rebound and screw anything that moves to prove my sexual worth to myself, but hello, that is incredibly unhealthy and screams of codependency. So I'm not.

Yay progress.

I'm choosing, again, to pick me first. I am my own first choice. I will never be runner up again. I respect myself enough to knock it off.