I attended Dave's funeral yesterday. I slipped in quietly, signed the guest book, and sat in the back. The chapel was packed. Standing room only. Stories were shared, tears were shed, and songs were sung. The rabbi said something that stuck with me: Depression is a Liar.
It moved me.
It moved me to reach out to a few friends and share the message. We are all doing the best we can, and sometimes the lies speak louder than the truth. Sometimes depression wins.
I should say more, but I'm feeling pretty quiet and reflective in this moment. I hope everyone is doing well. ❤
Monday, April 15, 2019
Tuesday, April 9, 2019
David
It was a year ago on my birthday when I saw you last. You were in attendance at my sister in laws funeral for her father. Worlds collided after many years apart when we realized that you were best friends with my sisters baby brother. We joked about high school memories. We laughed about awkward crushes, the "pretzel position," and a slew of other memories. We exchanged numbers and agreed to get dinner sometime. Fast forward one year and you wished me a happy belated birthday April 6th.
I wonder if you already had made your mind up at that point that you would take your own life the next night?
I will miss your infectious smile, your nervous and slightly awkward laugh, the way you'd stand ever so slightly too close when we talked. I will miss it all, my friend.
I'm sorry you were hurting and alone and took your own life.
Damn, Dave.
May you be at peace.
I wonder if you already had made your mind up at that point that you would take your own life the next night?
I will miss your infectious smile, your nervous and slightly awkward laugh, the way you'd stand ever so slightly too close when we talked. I will miss it all, my friend.
I'm sorry you were hurting and alone and took your own life.
Damn, Dave.
May you be at peace.
Monday, April 8, 2019
Friday, April 5, 2019
A Year
It's amazing what can change and what can stay the same in a years time. A year ago I held space of witness as my beautiful and kind sister in law lost and buried her father. I held space and bore witness to a friend just beginning his journey of healing his own heart. A year ago I was holding my breath, afraid that I might lose my own father.
This year I spent the 4th with many of the same people, my family, my sister in law, my father, and the feeling was very different. We all felt genuinely grateful to be together for my birthday. Glad that we were all together.
There were a few people who were once important to me that probably dont even realize that it was my birthday. Those people no longer matter. The people who DO matter thought of me, reached out, and were there to celebrate another passing year of life. MY life.
39. Big changes are in store for this year.
Hold on to your butts.
This year I spent the 4th with many of the same people, my family, my sister in law, my father, and the feeling was very different. We all felt genuinely grateful to be together for my birthday. Glad that we were all together.
There were a few people who were once important to me that probably dont even realize that it was my birthday. Those people no longer matter. The people who DO matter thought of me, reached out, and were there to celebrate another passing year of life. MY life.
39. Big changes are in store for this year.
Hold on to your butts.
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