T Minus 3 Days...

3 days until the fusion commences... and of course I get a wicked outer ear infection. I swear I need to do something about my OCD ear cleaning fetish. I started antibiotics yesterday and just have my fingers crossed it will be cleared up enough by Thursday for us to move forward. I've been taking Tylenol and alternating hot and cold compresses. I've also been using garlic oil drops. Stinks like crazy, but is pretty soothing too. Ready for that nonsense to calm right on down.

Ugh.

Fusion It Is

June 27th I go back under the knife, hopefully for the last time for this body part. I can't believe my surgery is only 10 days away. I'm a little excited, but mostly terrified right now. I made the mistake of researching the surgery further and watched a video of an actual procedure.

This is going to hurt so bad initially... So bad...

I'm sitting here trying not to cry at the moment. I'm just feeling so overwhelmed, yet I feel like I can't say anything to anyone. I've hinted that I'm nervous to family and friends... but this is more than just nervous. This is it. This is the absolute end of my massage career. There is no turning back after this surgery. Granted I can't do massage NOW, but with my wrist fused, I have to look at alternatives to everything going forward.

Driving (won't be so bad, I drive that way now)
Eating (will be tricky. Try cutting your food with one hand immobile at the wrist...)
Typing (until my hand is fused AND I can pronate my hand again, I'll be typing one handed.)
Showering (I HATE bathing with a garbage bag on my arm... but it is what it is.)
Grooming (since my elbow will also be immobilized during the cast process, my hair will be an absolute mess. Which reminds me... I should think about dying it next week so I don't have horrible roots right away)

I'm nervous.

Another Surgery?

Saw the Orth. Dr today. They took x-rays of both my wrists. The right one looks good - I have a pinched nerve from sleeping on the couch with my arm curled under me. I just have to sleep with it straight and it should clear up.

 

My left hand is a whole other story. She said the xrays were "ugly." The carpal bones are all twisted around and not sitting right. One of the bones that is supposed to sit in a little "socket" isn't even close. SHOCKER! But she said my options are few. Either leave it alone, or fuse the wrist. If we leave it, the wrist will remain unstable and will cause me pain for the rest of my life. It's not going to "get better" on it's own. It just is what it is. With the surgery, my wrist will be ridged, and basically stuck in the same position as when I wear my wrist brace. So I'll still be able to flip my hand over, type, etc... I just won't be able to flop my hand up and down (which I currently can't do anyways).

 

The surgery would be pretty brutal. Longer incision and some permanent hardware. They would strip all of my cartilage off my wrist bones and break a couple to promote bone growth. Then they would all just grow together. It would be similar to the first wrist surgery as far as post-op. It would be out patient and I would have another pain pump post op. Cast for 6-8 weeks and that's it.

 

Maybe I'm crazy, but I'm leaning towards surgery, and sooner as opposed to later. I know it would be another summer in a cast, but with the fusion, I should be able to be WAY more hands on with the kids - as I won't be guarding that wrist and my pain will become zero after the bones heal.

 

Decisions Decisions...

Napping Weather

All weekend seemed to be perfect napping weather. Storms off and on, cooler temps... Then some sun with warm breezes. Made me yearn to go back up to Trelawny Resort (just outside of Alpena). 25 Fourth of July weeks were spent at that beach cottage resort, and this weekend smelled like Trelawny.

I miss it. I would love to go back someday.

Sunset from Trelawny.