Anniversary #8

Today is supposed to be a monumental historical day. 02-22-22. Lots of fanfare about it being a once in a lifetime event, angel numbers galore, and it being a day of opening intuition and spiritual awareness.

But my heart just feels heavy. It's the 8 year anniversary of finding Joe post suicide by shotgun. It's also the 17th anniversary of my favorite Aunt passing away. I've been teetering on the verge of tears all afternoon, and I want nothing more than a hug from J. That isn't possible this evening, as Ding Dong is going to a movie with a friend. He has no idea what today means to me, even though I have reminded him on multiple occasions why this date in particular is difficult for me sometimes, so of course he has chosen this day to go out. It's not important to him, so it's not important. 

My divorce is finally getting some traction, with no help of Ding Dong. My lawyer has filed multiple motions for a default ruling on my divorce (meaning he refuses to respond or participate, so give me whatever I ask for). The motion for default is scheduled for March 9th. My hearing is scheduled for March 29th. God willing, I may actually be divorced for my birthday. I'm not holding my breath, but I'm not giving up either. We are so close to the end. It will mean BIG changes around here, but I'm ready. I'm so incredibly ready to get on with my life. He won't see it as a good thing, and that's fine. His response is not my responsibility. 

I'm hopeful that my kids don't fight with me about getting ready for bed. I just want to hide in sleep, but I can't do that until they care safely tucked in bed. 

I should do a meditation or focus on something else, but I just don't have it in me. My conversation with J was cut short today on the phone, and it made me sad too. He's dealing with his own stuff lately, and I know we have been a source of comfort for each other. He's been at a meeting and now happy hour mixer with a company he is considering joining. It's been a quieter day than normal lately, but I'm really proud of him for taking some initiative about building his career. 

Maybe I need a piece of chocolate and some brainless tv.