D's father passed away yesterday morning. Thursday, June 29th he suffered a hemorrhagic stroke that essentially took out the entire right side of his brain, bled into his ventricles, and also down into his brain stem. The man we knew died on Thursday, but it took until yesterday morning for his poor body to finally run out of gas. I have spent more time with D's family in the last 7 days than I have in the previous 4 or 5 years.
I spent a majority of the time acting as a calm intermediary between the family and the medical staff. I wanted to make sure that no one felt pressured or alone, but that they also understood what was happening and why - from a medical standpoint. It was nice to feel needed, helpful, and able to provide answers and comfort where it was needed. Now that he has died, I feel myself stepping back emotionally again, as they are soon to discover that D and I have not only divorced, but been divorced for quite some time.
Now that Chief is gone, there are a lot of moving parts as to what happens "next." His sister will begin cancer treatment in August/September, and there have been some conversations started about what his mother will do. She's already thinking about selling the house in a year and scoping out independent living options. The suggestion of D and the kids moving in was mentioned as well (they assumed me too, but they will better understand why that isn't happening shortly). I'm not sure if anything has been run by his mother, but all 3 siblings agree - which I was shocked D would be on board so quickly. He also knows his time is running out in the rental house - the owner wants to sell, and there's no way either Doug or I want to buy... so he needs a safe place to land. With his family would be perfect for him. There's plenty of room for the 3 of them. So we will see what ends up happening. It would be wonderful if D could help support his mother, and she could help support him too.
But my experience in the hospital really opened my eyes to what I feel more called to do with my life. It really made me realize how many families don't have a "me" to help explain to them what is happening in a warm and kind way. I've known for years that I want to get into the death and dying industry, but I just wasn't sure how to go about it. I don't want to go back to school to become and RN, mortuary school is even longer, and some hospitals require a masters degree in order to become a chaplain! So I'm still on the hunt for where I fit in, but I had an hour long chat with one of my patients yesterday - who happens to be retired from the funeral industry. We talked a lot about patient advocacy, thanatology (death, dying, and bereavement studies), and different avenues within these spaces. He suggested I reach out to Gift of Life, and ask them about involvement with their organization. He also recommended Wayne State Mortuary School for "out of the box" classes and certifications that I otherwise wouldn't have access to. He also suggested I check out anything written by Thomas Lynch. So I have some research to do and now I have a direction to start looking!
Its a topsy-turvy time in my brain. Excitement and dread all at once.
