Poop.

 I'll keep this pretty brief, as I'm still recovering from the last 24 hours. I woke up yesterday determined to poop. It had been a week, and I've been taking stool softeners, so it was time. I had weened myself off my pain killers to help move things along too. 

It was a disaster. I've never felt so defeated and depressed after not being able to poop. I sobbed and went back to bed. It's very hard to concentrate at the task at hand when your leg is also on fire. 

I would just like to announce that after 24 hours of blood, sweat, and tears, laboring day and night, an enema, 6 stool softeners, 3 glycerin suppositories, and a couple gloves, I have successfully delivered "the precious cargo." I am now 15 pounds lighter, and can only assume, look fantastic. Please hold a moment of silence for my poor bum, as they were a casualty of war and the poor thing may never be the same...

Post Op

 Well, I had another knee reconstruction on the 12th. I was exceptionally nervous going into it, and I wanted to believe pain management would be a snap. It wasn't. I woke up from surgery with a leg on fire. Getting pain under control was an issue, and it wasn't until I was back at my parents tucked into bed with Norco down the hatch that I could start to settle down. Getting up to use the bathroom still fires off a mini anxiety attack, and falling asleep makes me nervous. I've started twitching when I drift off, and it's usually followed by pain. 

I've already started to wean myself off the Norco. Not off entirely, but cutting it way down so I don't run out. This is a marathon, not a sprint, so I need to pace myself and ration my pain meds. 

6 weeks immobilized. Then 4 months of PT. Meijer has told me to submit all out of pocket expenses for review. My surgery was $42,000 so any help is definitely appreciated! I do have insurance, so that helps. But yeah. This year is off to a pretty weird start. I'm trying to remain engaged at work, but I also just don't feel up to it. 

Ugh. 

New Year, New Knee!

 It's official. Knee reconstruction 2.0 is scheduled for January 12th. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. I'm currently camped out at my parents house as I feel safe and comfortable here. It's possible I'd feel even more comfortable with J, but we just aren't there yet. 

However.

I did introduce my parents to him, and he has come over a couple times at night to visit with me and make sure I have everything I need. He misses me and loves me, but also doesn't whine or pressure me about things out of my control. I hate that he's been alone in his house with just the cats. I love our little home, and it's going to be a while before I can get back out there.

D continues to whine and mope around, complaining about this being "the worst year ever." The other day he was lamenting his bad mood, saying he's been so upset and defeated for the past year and a half. A year and a half ago is when I filed for divorce... very passive aggressive guilt trip, but I wouldn't expect anything less. Since I hurt my knee he's been MORE whiney and annoying. I'm sure he's hurt I don't want to heal at his house, but I can't. I sleep on the fucking couch! And the animals climb all over me. There's zero privacy. I'll pass. 

Not sure what the plan is for recovery. 6 weeks immobilized post op, then 4 months of PT and I should be right as rain. The surgery will be reconstruction of the ligaments I ruptured with cadaver parts. I'm excited, nervous, scared, and anxious all at once. I just want to get this party started!